Stop Putting Women on a Pedestal. Put Yourself on One Instead.

Stop Putting Women on a Pedestal. Put Yourself on One Instead.

In 2008, Consistency kicked our ass. When you’re writing every day, publishing to FB, Twitter, Posterous, Tumblr or whatever social network you syndicate to just continue to do it… Often. I’m saying REALLY do it! Don’t be “spammy” but just DO it. I noticed that one of my fave bloggers, Simone Grant, was always writing stuff and multiple times a day!  I knew we needed to up our writing significantly. The turning point for the Urban Dater was November 2008. When I say turning point, I’m referring to that point in 2008 when we saw our monthly readership jump by over 300%.

Yes. Three hundred effing percent! We didn’t make any money and we didn’t get recognition of any sort… But a few things happened. We switched from Joomla to WordPress We upped our articles that month from 5 to 28 Began sharing on Twitter Traffic bumped by 300% Now, most bloggers know that WordPress is an amazing tool and is SEO friendly out-of-the-box. But that takes time to show value. What we saw happened in 30 days!! That jump in readership came from us writing a ton more articles (in comparison to the 3 to 5 we did a month at that point). Twitter wasn’t our main source of People would find us in blog searches or Facebook. Just posting more, and consistently was a huge thing for us. If you post 3 articles or so in a month… You might get 30 visits a day, not many people will give a shit about what you’re doing. One of my very talented blogger buddies is an extremely talented writer. She falls into this category of inconsistency.

It’s infuriating! Her traffic is about 20 to 30 every day… When she posts an article? 400 to 1000 that day and 20+ responses!!! If my friend could get four articles out in a week… i could only imagine how she’d be doing. Since that month in 2008, we consistently average 25 articles per month or so… Our traffic hovers around 40,000 uniques per month now… It took time to get to that figure, though; it rarely, rarely happens over night. I guess the real point here, is if you’re consistent and you keep at it, your audience will come. There’s no tricks here, people. Just keep at it and the audience will show up. Be consistent! As a side note, if you ever want to read more on this, I know this gal @kirstenwright who is AMAZING when it comes to content development strategies… Check her out! She has tons of great articles that have not only helped me, but tons of other folks, too! (she’s hot, too!) Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Blogger Resources, Tips & Advice Tagged in: blogging I find it incredible how many dating sites and directories have popped up through the years as culture has been swept away in the wake of the internet. It’s changed how we meet and communicate with people. More than that it’s increased our volume of choice. That is, if we wanted to date a geek, there’s sites for that; if we wanted to date people with STDs (I guess they’re called STIs now, I want a new acronym for myself!) In just about any case we are not without options. From Russian or Ukranian brides (never did understand that niche) to freakish roid-popping singles there is nothing you can’t find. Be careful what you ask for however, as you might end up with the hyper-mesomorph to the right over here… The problem that I find is actually FINDING these sites where people can connect to those they wish. There’s tons of sites out there that one can go to. Free Dating USA is a dating directory with a large directory of niche sites, most of them free, that people can sign up with and find their geeky match, or errr… hairy match?

For Gay folk there’s also NY Gay Dating Directories as well. You’re limited by your want/desire/need/kink. Remember how I was talking about the geek love? Yep, there’s even a online dating for them, too (geeks need lovin’ too, kids): Enter Soul Geek. In short, if there’s something that you’re trying to find in Online Dating, there’s no reason you can’t find it. It’s just going to take some leg work on your part. Sure, it’s easy to get discouraged, but i could tell you, from experience, that just as you’re ready to give up and quit that is the moment when something will happen that will snap your sappy self-pity feeling ass out of your dry spell. Damn, that pic of that dude above is cmtfo… Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

It’s a Simple Question…

Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: niche dating This is a post that I’d written about a month ago for the lovely Simone Grant. So I’m reposting here, for your consumption. Why? Because I’m a lazy piece of shit, that’s why. Ohh and there’s been lot going on of late, too. That’s a whole other blog post, though. Anyway, read, sigh and comment… I’ve done the fade before. In fact, I probably deserve an award if such things were given out for exemplary talent in disappearing from a relationship like a ninja with a smoke ball from room of people he just killed… Yeah, I was good, damn good… Life has a funny sense of humor sometimes, it has a way of humbling a person when they least expect it. Life did that to me by giving me a series of unstable women that cried at inappropriate times and had issues with yelling and violently kicking me in the crotch. It took a friend telling me that perhaps life was garnishing my mental health by providing me a never-ending list of crazy women to date… “Perhaps,” my friend opined, “this is karma just biting you in the beans, right where it counts.” Yes, my friend said “beans” and I got the point. I cut off ties with these crazy FWBs and the like.

I knew something needed to change. I stopped dating for a couple of months and detoxified myself in hopes that my right hand would be enough to tame my appetite. It worked for a while. Then, one cold and dreary evening I was up late at a local coffee shop doing some reading and research… I can’t remember which Playboy issue I was reading, though… Hmmm. Anyway, I was there when a young woman came up to me and complimented the coat I was wearing. I insisted she could not say such a nice thing and not sit down to have a chat with me. We talked for like an hour, when her friends were ready to leave. She gave me her phone number and went on her way. This girl, now, was much younger than me and a college sophomore and barely old enough to drink legally… I was thirty… I knew better, but I was going to get arthritis in my right hand if I didn’t DO SOMETHING or… someone. Katie and I met up for a drink at her favorite watering hole, downtown. Turns out the joint was hosting the Brodeo. That is, tons of bros wearing Affliction and Ed Hardy shirts. I’m pretty sure I heard Sugar Ray on the speakers. We shared a beer and I promptly took us elsewhere, to a swanky joint across the street and around the corner. The Conti always treated me well, as it was a swanky place with a lot of swag and it kind of makes everyone seem like they have more swagger than they do. We had a shot and some drinks.

Katie, the more she drank the more direct she became. Funny how that works, isn’t it? Long story short we ended up back at my place and took a magic carpet ride that left us both a little bruised by the end it was fun. She kept on calling and wanting to hang out and I just didn’t have the free time that she had, which seemed like a lot for a college student, but I digress… I’d been avoiding Katie for the better part of a month, but, man, this girl was persistent. She even asked me if I didn’t want to see her anymore. I didn’t tell her that was the case (which it quickly became the case). Regardless, I was being a pussy. The following day, at work, I was meeting with a sales rep. He and I had a good rapport and had lunch often, even though I bought jack squat from the guy. David told me during our conversation: “You know, Alex, I used to be a shy guy but I started purposely getting out of my comfort zone and I began to grow. I consistently do things that are out of my comfort zone.

That’s the key to personal growth man.” Well, holy shit, that guy helped me turn over a new leaf. I was going to step out of my comfort zone and avoid doing the fade. I was going to confront this girl… That evening Katie called me twice. After the second time I called her back and I remember the conversation vividly and it went like this: Me: Hey. Katie: Hi you Me: So ummm. Katie: Omg! I hate school so much!! Me: Uhhh Katie: God, this professor is such a dick and like… Me: I don’t want to date you anymore. Katie: And everyone else in the class was like, yeah, like he’s a dick Me: Hey!! Ummm, I don’t think we should date. I think we should be friends.

Katie: What? Me: I just think we’re too different Katie: So you can sleep with me but not date me, right? Me: Look, I mean it was fun… Katie: Fun!!? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Me: Well, no, it’s not a joke; I think we’d make great friends. Katie: Fuck you, asshole!!! I thought you were different cause you’re older, but you’re like all the other jerks I date. ( at this point I gave up on a civil discourse. I became a little annoyed and launched into what I do best, which is to mess with peoples’ heads) Me: I don’t see why you have a problem with being my friend Katie: Why would I want to be friends with you? You’re a dick!!! Me: Well, maybe, but it kind of makes me think that you only cared about the sex. I’m trying to salvage a friendship here and you don’t want to have any of it. Katie: Wait, what are you talking about? Me: Well, you’re saying that it’s all about sex with me, but I’m trying to be friends with you. That is the ultimate show that I am not interested in just sex with you.


I think we’d be good friends.

Katie: I really don’t get you. Me: So what, you’ve never stayed friends with guys you dated? Katie: We didn’t date, we fucked. I see that now and, no, I don’t stay friends with guys I fuck. Me: So I’m just some guy you fucked? That’s all I was to you? Katie: Sigh, what, what? No, wait. What the fuck are you talking about!!? You said you didn’t want to see me!!! Me: I never said that, I said I wanted to be friends. So what do you say? Katie: Me: Do you need time to think about it? Katie: Me: i could hear you brea—- Katie: This is so weird… Me: You think forging everlasting friendships is “weird?” Katie: I’ve never been rejected like this… I mean, this is weird. Me: People get rejected all the time, trust me. I know all about that… Katie: I mean, am I not attractive?

Me: I don’t think your looks have anything to do with having a successful friendship. You’re awfully shallow. You know that? Katie: Whatever. I just can’t make the connection of being friends with someone you like fucking, but doesn’t want to, you know, fuck you back… Me: Total noodle-bender, right? Katie: Who does that? Me: Well, I think this goes to show that women are just as shallow as men and want sex just as much. Society tells us that it’s okay for men to be this way, yet a double standard for women exists. It’s okay, you’d rather fuck me than be friends with me… It’s kind of messed up, but I accept this truth and hold no grudges here. Katie: Me: So how about that friendship? Katie: Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Self Tagged in: jerk, the fade Every guy has a painful memory of a bad blow job, so I’ve highlighted the 11 most common to help re-live the experience. 1. The Grinder This girl just scrapes and grinds her way to a man’s ultimate dissatisfaction. Using a guy’s member as a chew toy, it’s 75% teeth and 25% of the desired suction. It’s no surprise that eventually she’s chomping down on nothing more than a battered and bruised lump of a penis. 2. The Tortoise Slow and steady wins the race. Well, actually, this girl never even crosses the finish line. She goes up and down with gentle and methodical movements. By the end, it’s as if he’s watching a painstakingly slow movie that never develops and definitely doesn’t climax.

3. Just the tip Deep throat is not in this girl’s vocabulary. Instead, she chooses to concentrate on a mere 30% of your actual penis. Repeatedly pursing her lips on the tip, she refuses to venture into the deep end of the pool. This leaves you with nothing but a really strange and uncomfortable feeling at the tip, and yet another incomplete blow job to add to the pile. 4. The Deepthroat Dixie Sounds a little bit like a western porno doesn’t it? Well like most country songs, this ends in nothing but pain. There’s a fine line between pain and pleasure, and while initially her maximum force approach was good, it very quickly turned into a painful experience – she just doesn’t ease up. The feeling of your dick getting rammed non-stop against the back of her throat quickly has guys singing a very sad song, but instead of nursing an achy-breaky heart, it’s something else they’re tending to. 5. The one-gear bike Instead of mixing up the pace, this girl immediately drops into cruise control. She refuses to abandon her early pace, which is particularly frustrating when he says he’s getting close and she doesn’t crank it into high-gear. Just as a guy shouldn’t thrust a girl on high-speed the entire time during intercourse, a girl needs to mix it up while giving fellatio. This girl may get the job done, but she definitely won’t be getting crowned ‘The Oral Queen’ any time soon.

6. The Charlie Chaplin A guy loves when a girl takes a moment to engage him vocally. a personal favorite: “I absolutely love your cock.” Hey, we’re men, it’s the ultimate satisfaction when a girl is enthusiastic about spending some quality time with your member. Unfortunately, this girl keeps her head down and is as silent as a church mouse. While volume control is desired in shared quarters, the occasional noise helps remind us someone is down there. 7. She’s not having a ball  This girl looks at your testicles like they’re the root of all evil. If you so much as try to usher her attention to your sperm bags, she’ll give you the complete bitch eyes. Just as a guy should never neglect the nipples, a girl should never neglect the balls. It’s important to note that paying attention to the balls doesn’t mean substituting them as a second dick to suck back with force. Give them a fiddle, twiddle, a light kiss, but be gentle – they’re sensitive. 8. The Pressure Cooker This girl makes you feel every ounce of pressure to ejaculate the entire time. You have sweat pouring from your brow, you’re tossing and turning – trying to find the right thoughts to bust – but you can’t. “Are you getting close?” are words spoken like a broken record -something that leads to nothing but an unpleasant experience. Efficiency is everything in this world, but efficiency during a blow job it can only be created in a relaxed environment. 9. More like a hand job What initially started as a blow job has turned into a lackluster hand job. We’re well-aware that you’re putting in a lot of effort, so taking breaks while you catch your breath is always encouraged, but don’t let that hand job overstay its welcome. Catch your breath, resume focus and re-engage. Otherwise, there’s really no importance of you to be there.

10. The Lackluster Lady This girl plays the skin flute with very little enthusiasm. During this half-hearted affair, not once does she look up at you with those fierce eyes of sexual passion. She rarely moans, seldom shows any indication that she’s enjoying herself, and her technique is overly prepared. There are no wild and spontaneous “wow, this girl is awesome” moments, but rather just a task that’s grudgingly performed to get you to cum by outputting as little energy as possible. 11. The Anti-Spunk Princess This girl takes “happy ending” out of the equation by refusing to let the icing on the cake drip anywhere near her. She sure as hell doesn’t swallow, but even worse, she’s not even willing to donate an area of her body to land your spunk. There’s no doubt that having to ejaculate into a sock is going to trigger an interrupted climax. If you think I’m missing anything, please post in the comment section below!   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook93Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex Tagged in: #blowjob #oralsex #sex #dating #relationships #brologtruth #thebrolog #brolog #thebrologboys #theurbandater He Rushes To Your Side at the First Sign of Poon! The Wingman is as undervalued today as he was yesterday. A good Wingman makes possible the impossible pursuit of that hottie at the club or social event. Yes, a good Wingman makes for a great evening. However, not just anyone is a good fit for the duties that are asked of a Pro Wingman. You need to have the tools to get the job done and do it right! First off many of us hold on to the notion that the Wingman is there to “land on the grenade,” thus opening a clear path to victory for the “Ace” to get the girl aka “the Target.” While this notion is true, to an extent, it’s somewhat a somewhat dated notion. The Wingman is a versatile tool that can be used in a number of situations by an “Ace” that knows how to use him properly. To understand how to properly use a Wingman it’s important to really understand what a good wingman is and what he does. a good wingman always knows the object associated with “Ace’s” erection. That is, the Wingman always knows the score and always knows which gal or group to engage in. A good Wingman is an excellent opener. Your Wingman shouldn’t have a problem approaching a group of cackling women and getting comfortable with the conversation and bring you in. Your Wingman should be able to smoothly hang at your side and engage these women at the same time as you. a good wingman shuns the spotlight. Your Wingman doesn’t dominate the conversation, he finds how to talk you up and keeps the conversation and fun times rolling and is careful not to outshine his “Ace.” a good wingman knows when to slow your roll.

Your Wingman should be able to calm you down if you’re getting too nervous or too anxious. The Wingman is kind of like “Little Mac’s” trainer in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out… Well, sort of, he’s not some creepy dude with a towel around his neck giving you a neck massage. Your Wingman inspires confidence in you and should emulate qualities that you admire where it concerns picking up on the ladies. a good wingman always has his eyes on the thighs… er Prize! It’s a delicate balance that the Wingman must play. He must be careful not to outshine his Ace, for sure. However, he can’t seem “safe” or too “friendly.” No, the Wingman can hang back but must promote sex tension; he must plant the idea that, while he may f*ck you gently, he’d still f*ck you just the exact same. This is especially critical for… You guessed it; a Good Wingman will always, always land on that “grenade.” There are going to be women that your Ace targets that have friends that you wouldn’t give a second glance to. It is likely that these unsavory vixens will try to steal the target away from your Ace. The Good Wingman runs interference and keeps occupied those who might cock-block their Ace’s best effort. This means chatting these women up, buying them drinks, dancing with them, kissing them and getting down and durty with them. a good wingman never loses his wings whenever pressure is on, kids. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Men, Tips & Advice The above photo is from GLEE. Shut it! Being in a relationship can be a very beautiful thing.

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